Kevin O'Keefe, you are an Ironman!
ITS OVER!!! Let me just say I feel so relieved and happy. I
think the day was so long, I never actually thought about the whole thing.
Sometimes I would freak out about the swim and then start to imagine biking
afterwards, but I don't know if I ever really thought about what it would take
to run after swimming and biking that long. It wasn't until I actually had to
start running Saturday when I thought "Oh boy..." My super amazing
support crew was actually waiting for me at the bike to run transition and I believe
my exact words to them were "Oh god, what have I done?!" So, as I sit
here and reflect, I am just amazed by how long the day truly was. I am so happy
I finished in a time I am proud of. I am so happy my girlfriend and best
friends were there by my side at the finish (and the whole day). And I am so
happy it is over and I can finally stop working out or thinking about working
out for a little bit. With the shape my legs are in (not to mention my brain) I
won't be working out for at least a few days.
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| Pure joy. 140.6 miles completed |
The Lead Up
In the week or so leading up to the big day - I was so
anxious. I couldn't sleep much and all I could think about was swimming in that
mucky water. Falling asleep took 2-3 hours per night and I kept waking up too.
All I could think about was the swim and how far it was going to be. I know I
had done the pool time, but open water is just so different. I also started to
doubt whether I could finish and I had already told so many people. Would they
think I am a failure? Would I have to talk about a bad race for the next 2
months? What if my bike breaks and I can't finish because of that? You name it
and I thought it at midnight while tossing and turning.
Come Wednesday though I got to fly out. Being down in Texas
meant I was at least doing something again (since training was so light) and I
found the anxiety started to step back. I had a call to my coach and talked
with some past finisher friends and they calmed me down a little. Of course, Wednesday
night I realized I forgot to pack my nutrition which my girlfriend was able to
pick up Thursday morning before her flight down. The unsettling part was - if I
forgot my nutrition, what else did I forget?
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| Here is the hotel room logistics |
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| Ironman Village - My favorite place to be once the race was over. |
On Friday morning, they opened the lake up for practice
swimming and I ended up trying it both with and without a wetsuit. I felt
pretty comfortable both ways, so I made up my mind - I was going to swim
without it if the race temperature was above 76.1 degrees. Not an easy decision
to make but once I pulled the trigger, I tried not to look back.
Race Day
So that night I ate a few pretzels and drank some Gatorade
(wanted an empty digestive system) and headed off to bed around 9 o’clock. Somehow,
I managed to fall asleep within maybe 30 minutes which was a miracle based on
earlier in the week. But when that alarm rang out at 4:30am, sheer terror set
in. I grabbed my special needs bags and headed to transition to drop them off.
They wouldn't let the GF in with me since she wasn't an athlete so I handed her
all my stuff and planned to meet her on the other side. It was blocked off so
we just said, we'll meet somewhere up the road on the way to the swim, and if
that doesn't work we will meet at the swim start. It turns out I had handed her
my cell phone and we were now pretty separated. Two blocks up the road I waited
15 minutes until I finally gave in and borrowed someone's cell phone to call
her (oh yeah, I wrote her number down on a sheet of paper earlier in the
morning in case this exact thing happened - score one!) Turns out she was maybe
100 feet away and heading in my direction already. If I had waited another 10
seconds I would have just seen her - whoops! So newly reunited we started
heading to the swim start - a good 20-minute walk in the darkness of the early
morning.
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| Come on that even looks ominous! |
While we were walking, Michelle started texting the rest of
my support crew - Dimitar and Buccola. Turns out they were going to try and
meet at the start (I told em to sleep in and catch me after the swim or even
after the bike since there wasn't a whole lot to see before then)! Of course,
we had to walk over a bridge that had a view of the whole swim. I don't think I
would be exaggerating if I said my whole body was shaking I was so nervous.
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| Longest 40 minutes ever began right here. |
I
got there around 6, got marked up, took one last pee, and headed towards the
start which wasn't until 6:40. That 40 minutes was probably the longest 40
minutes I have ever experienced (except MAYBE the end of the run - see below).
Michelle bumped into a stranger and made a little small talk, but I couldn't
even form words. I just stared at the pitch-black water in the still dark
morning. Around 6:15, Dimitar and Buccola found me at start. I was so happy to
see them, but I don't even think I said words. I just stared at them and then
back out at the water. At 6:20 the pro men started getting in the water to
start and at 6:25 a cannon went off to start their race. I think my heart
stopped when that cannon went off. At 6:30 the pro women were off swimming, and
at 635 ish I started to head to the swim start. I don't even think I said
goodbye to the support squad, at some point I just walked over. Even thinking
about it now, my heart is POUNDING. Man, I really hate swimming, don’t I? And
looking back now, like everyone said it was also the easiest part of the day.
Going into this, my time goal was around 2:00/100 yards which translates to
1:30 on the swim. My actual race time was 1:37 for a pace of 2:20 ish per 100.
Not ideal but I feel pretty good about it.
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| Getting bodymarked |
The start of the swim
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| Holy nerves Batman! |
In the waiting line to jump in the water, I was freaking
out. Some nice guy next to me saw this and tried to calm me down a little. He
said "you'll get off to a rocky start, but then you'll find your wind and
cruise through." The Voice of Ironman himself Mike Reilly (OK I confess I
didn't know much about him at the time) was giving inspiration to all of us
waiting at the start line and the phrase he gave me that really helped was
"The only thing you can control about today is your attitude." So, I
tried to remember all the work I had done and I could do this! And then I got
in the water and all of that fell right back out of my head and I started to
freak out. Of course, I knew this was coming so I just breast stroked (I tried
to freestyle - that didn't work) over to the far side of the course and found
some open water. Then I gave freestyle another try. The focus was just get a
good exhale underwater - a nice long and relaxed exhale under water. It took a
while - I have no idea if it was 5 or 100 yards - but eventually I was able to
calm back down. From there I just stayed to the outside and less crowded part
of the course and tried to make it one buoy at a time. The first leg of the
three was pretty easy after that freak out in the beginning was over.
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| The start |
We rounded the turn buoys and it was on to leg 2. This leg
was more or less the same as the first only the course wasn't as wide. This
meant it was much more crowded. I tried to stay on the outside of the course but
I couldn't find open water like I could for leg 1. I actually stopped and did
the breast stroke perpendicular to the direction I had to go about halfway up
leg 2 just to get to a less crowded spot in the water. My right goggle also
started leaking a LITTLE somewhere up leg 2 so I slowed down a little to drain
it (there was a little shampoo in there so it stung), but it wasn't a big deal.
Somewhere in this leg I started to realize - I actually can do this. The
training paid off and I was comfortable swimming in the world's murkiest lake.
For 2.4 miles!
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| Where's the open water? |
Then came leg 3 - the channel. Originally, I was the most
excited about this part - the channel wasn't super wide which meant I could
feel at ease close to the side - and also this meant it was almost over. What I
discovered, was this was probably the worst part of the swim (after the first
50 yards). Everyone was funneled into the narrow channel which meant there was
no open water anywhere. To top it off, the wetsuit swimmers caught up to us and
were relentless. People kept bumping into me, but instead of turning a little,
some just tried to swim through me. One time I actually threw my elbow out and
pushed a guy off of me. Between the swimmers bumping into you, and all the
additional chop from swimmers, the channel was far from the best part of the
swim. But when I look back on it now, even just a few days later, I am amazed I
was able to stay calm through all of this. People swimming over me, a few gulps
of water when I was looking for air, seaweed tickling me and water so dirty I
couldn't see my hand, and I was able to stay calm and keep swimming! A big
shout out to my friend/coach Emma Briggs for making me swim 3 times a week
instead of just 2. The extra time in the water was super helpful and so were
all the drills. Oh Oh and how could I forget - my support crew found me on the
swim and actually watched me swim up the final stretch up the canal. I gave
them a little wave mid stroke haha.
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| I MADE IT!! Look at that grin! |
Transition one
So, I tripped up the stairs at least twice coming out of the
swim - thank you to the volunteers for grabbing my arms and not letting me
fall. The guy ahead of me was walking through transition so I walked too. At
the time, I remember thinking "lets at least half run this."
Incorrect Kevin - that extra 2 minutes is irrelevant. I heard people say that
before the race and I just didn't believe it. From the other side, it is
totally true. So, I walked up, dried my feet and put on shoes and socks. I then
threw on my helmet and my shirt and headed off to grab my bike. But not before
my favorite part of the race, the sunscreen station!!! Ok it wasn't my favorite
part of the race but they sprayed enough sunscreen that even I managed to stay
pretty un-sun burned. With that I grabbed the bike and headed off to start the
bike. At this point I was feeling invincible, the swim was all I was worrying
about before the race and it was done. I knew I could actually finish this
thing at this point. So, if you look at the pictures from my support crew, it’s
all smiles at this point.
Cycling
Then the cycling began - and it really never ended. I ate 3
gu's within the first 10 miles (the plan was 2 in the first 15 plus more if I
thought I could handle it). I was happy to have the nutrition but I think this
underscored just how bad I was at estimating distance on the bike haha. Shortly
after that first 10-mile marker, we found ourselves on the straightest, most
boring stretch of road in all of Texas, my home for the next 4-5 hours. There
was a pretty decent wind coming from the north and the first stretch had us
heading south for quite a bit so I thought - this is goin pretty well. I never
checked my speed on the bike - only my heart rate. I decided week ago I would
not let my heart rate climb above 135 on the bike. In hindsight that might have
been on the lower end of what I could have done but water over the dam at this
point!
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| The middle of the GU feast - BUSTED! |
So, I just kept going and going and going. And somewhere around mile 30,
like a bat out of hell some guy ZOOMS passed me. I actually voiced "holy
fuck" after he passed by. I saw his bib number, 1. Then I noticed the
media scooter following next to him, and I pieced it together. That was the pro
leader of the race. Matt Hanson passed me on lap one when he was on lap two
doing at LEAST 30 miles per hour (I was probably at 18 ish at that point.) It
was super cool to see and really underscored just how good these pros are. From
there on out I kept my eyes peeled for any bib numbers under 100 (the pros).
And somehow, I made it to the turnaround and got to head back. It was then I
realized just how stiff that breeze was. Now I was well aware the breeze
brought the cooler air which is the reason I hadn't cooked alive yet, but still
that wind was STRONG. I just kept my head down and tried to keep the heart rate
down and pedal on. To be honest I don't remember too much more from the back
stretch of lap one. What I do remember, is at this point I had eaten 9 GU's out
of my 15. And at the current pace, I had at least 3 more hours left. So, I had a GU per 30 minutes, which was the
goal, but was that enough? Should I stop at special needs and grab some more? I
went back and forth on this decision quite a bit, but in the end decided you
are much better taking the 2 extra minutes and grabbing more nutrition than
bonking.
Somewhere else along loop one I realized, my stomach cannot
handle Gatorade and GU. So, I was only drinking water and eatin Gu the whole
time. I also kept dumping water on my head to stay cool. But all this made me
wonder, how much salt do I need? I had a ton of salt pills on my but previously
I just took salt when I felt like I needed it. I was drinking more water now
(since it was hotter out) and had eaten a little too much in the beginning so
my tummy was a little upset with me. I popped a salt pill hoping it would help,
and I have no idea if it did.
So, I started lap 2 (and grabbed my special needs bag at the
start of the lap) and was on my way. Lap 2 heading southbound was a piece of
cake! Why? well that wind had gotten stronger yet. So, I was barely pedaling on
my highest gear and still rockin. I was making great time, but I knew what that
meant - there was a stiff headwind for the way back. I ate some more of the ole
GU and kept on until it came time for that last turnaround. Now this did mean I
was 30 ish miles from done with cycling, but that headwind stopped me dead in
my tracks. The first five miles of that last home stretch were so brutal too -
there was nothing in the way of scenery. Not even an overpass for a few miles
and it was DEAD flat. I found myself thinking "am I even moving?" But
then I thought back to what Mike Reilly said - "the only thing you can
control is your attitude" So I tried to find some short milestones to
focus on. I would tell myself "just get to the net bridge" or
"just keep up with that lady." Oddly enough, another great way I
found to pass the time was to pee. Now I realize how gross this is, but at the
time it helped so I don't care. It is no easy feat to pedal while peeing so it
was a nice 5-minute break to think about something other than cycling. Now the
alarming thing is, I probably peed 7-10 times on the bike. I have NO IDEA how
that is possible as I don't think I drank that much. If I ever do decide to
sign up again (please don't let me), I really thinking figuring out nutrition
will be essential. I think I ate too many sugary GU's which messed up my blood
sugar and made me pee a ton. That's all I can think of. EDIT: I now think it
was all the caffeine in the GU.
"Aero" vs "Not so Aero"
Work on this Kevin
OK we get it you peed a lot. Right, back to the biking. I
also found I just couldn't stay in the aero position anymore. My neck muscles
were HURTING for sure. So, I would ride a mile in the aero position and pass a
few riders. Then I would ride out of the aero position and get passed by a few
riders for a mile. And I just kept this up and kept telling myself "one
more overpass." And then finally, I saw mile marker 100 - the end of the
tollway!! That was a great little pick me up. Until that last 10 miles was
still left to go. I realize this is impossible, but on the way back to
transition from the highway, every turn was more into the wind than the
previous direction. So, the last 10 miles were pretty rough on me, but I tried
to focus on up ahead - I at least get to do something different: run!
Transition two
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| Those shoes should be in a biohazard bag.... Note the pee footprints too - GROSS |
So, I made it to transition the dismount line, handed off my
bike and immediately kicked off my gross biking shoes (read covered in pee). If
there was a garbage I would have just thrown my socks out right there, but
there wasn't so I kept em on. Right after I dismounted, a reporter with the
local news asked if I had a second. He was there with a microphone and news
camera! I was so disoriented I just looked at him clueless. After starting for
a good 5 seconds I think I mustered "no sorry - I have to go" and mosied
on. I was so focused on moving and seeing a reporter in transition blew my
mind. Looking back, I think it is kind of funny how confusing that moment was
for me. On the way, over to the change tent, I saw my support crew again!! I
kept telling myself "All you can control is your attitude" and tried
to sound perky, but this is when I managed to blurt out "oh god, what have
I done?" But seeing them helped me refocus and get excited for the next
part.
I am not sure when to mention this so I'll just stick it in
as a little aside here, at this point I had consumed 3 maybe 4 salt pills -
previously I had never consumed more than 1 but my stomach wanted something it
wasn't getting so I was throwing darts at the dartboard. I also probably peed
something like 10 times by this point. Which I guess 10 times in 9 hours isn't
crazy, but the pee seemed to keep coming more and more frequently and was
starting to be a cause for concern. Oh also - my glasses. I rode my bike with
some clear safety glasses just to keep the wind and other crap out of my
eyes. I kept getting sweat on them and
by the end just looking through the glasses made me want to vomit. But I knew I
needed em on so I just kept truckin. Last random aside - you could totally see
into the girls change tent. And I don't mean like if you were looking you could
sneak a peek through a slit. I mean as a disoriented man who didn't this race course,
I almost walked right on into it. But as I got close I started noticing pony
tails - DIVERT DIVERT! A couple steps further down and I found the men’s
changing tent. Almost immediately there were wieners everywhere - it feels
weird to say but it was reassuring to see - it meant I entered the right tent. So,
I put on my sneakers, some new, dry socks, and my camelback and it was off to
the run. But before I could take off, they slathered me in sunscreen one more
time - thank you volunteers!
The run
So off to the run. This part of the race is where things are
sort of hard to remember. I remember being super happy to be off the bike and
running and I remember being happy because the run course was lined with
spectators. It also was a three-loop course which I don't know if I loved or
hated. I might have preferred a two-loop course, but then maybe starting the
second loop would have been too hard. Maybe the three loop was harder because
it meant starting ANOTHER lap at mile 18. Either way that is what I was
confronted with, so off I went. Things were going great at first, my heart rate
was low and my pace was pretty good. I tried not to look at my pace, but my
watch beeped every mile and I snuck a few glances. I ran the first few sub
10:00/mile woo! And I was keeping my heart rate under the 165 threshold I knew
I couldn't cross without bonking. So, I made it to around mile 3 where I got to
see the lake I managed to swim just this morning! Another nice little burst of
positivity - that felt impossible only a day before. Somewhere around mile 5 I
found myself running through a subdivision of the largest houses I had ever
seen. I was doing OK at this point and
some woman yelled out "Great pace!" I responded with something like
"Thanks but man this is far." I don’t know if she could hear the
struggle in my voice or had done one herself or what but she responded with the
most inspirational speech I heard the whole day. Now the worst part is I don't
remember exactly what it was but it was something like "what you are doing
is absolutely incredible right now. Even if you’re walking you are doing
something amazing." I don't know exactly what she said, but the way it
picked me up helped push me forward and I was already looking forward to seeing
her again on lap 2.
This isn't so bad... right?
On a spectator note, there were a few other people that
really perked me up:
- At mile 3.5 ish there was a girl with a sign that said "Smile if you aren't wearing any underwear." So, I actually smiled which just reminded me again "the only thing you can control is your attitude."
- At mile 4 ish there was a guy who must have been a coach who said something like "Kevin I am so glad to see you out here. Come see me again!" So, I found him again on lap 2 (I couldn't find him on lap 3).
- At mile 18 ish there was a guy who hosed me down with water and gave me a big smile. I am not sure I even heard what he said but the smile kept me going and looking forward to finding him on lap 3 (another one I couldn't find on lap 3!)
So, at mile 7 ish I made it back to town and saw my support
squad again! I managed a little smile this time (I think anyways) and yelled
out "OK that's 1!" I was trying to be chipper but boy was I hurting.
At this point the good news was I didn't know what was ahead so I was still
running through town discovering the silly outfits and signs and crazy fans out
there. I also didn't know how much further I had to go before I could say I was
done with just one of the three laps. So, I kept on plodding along checking my
heart rate and trying to ignore my pace (because it doesn't matter, right?). I
also had no idea what to do about my tummy. It was tense and GU was pretty hard
to get down. I also couldn't imagine eating anything else - I had dry mouth so
pretzels sounded horrible. Fruit sounded similar to GU but I was able to eat a
little of. Gatorade sounded good but I was already peeing so much drinking
never sounded great. And water was going down ok but didn't seem to help (or
hurt really). Emma told me to hold off until halfway to start drinking Coke so
I ruled that out and just tried to eat a Gu every 4 miles. (I managed 2 on the
whole marathon so... Nailed it?)
So, lap two was underway and this time I sort of knew what
was ahead. Now I was kind of in a daze so I couldn't remember the whole loop
but I at least knew the general idea. And then I got to a sign that said 10
miles. Wait wait hold on - 10?! I have 16 left?! Oh fuck.... Oh god. Ok ok calm
down just keep moving. Your feet feel ok. Your legs are tired, really really
tired but they don't hurt like you have pushed it too far. Your heart rate is
actually only 155 - maybe you could even speed up. (I knew I couldn't but this
part of the day is what I am going to call Lie to Kevin time.) So, I kept on
running and 5 minutes later (but felt like 30) my watch beeped mile 10
complete. Wait what??? That was ages ago? UGH! So, it turns out the mile
markers and my GPS didn't agree and my GPS kept indicating I had more left than
I thought. That's ok just another hurdle on today right? So, I kept on running
and then remembered I got to find that guy who told me to come see him again! I
found him again maybe mile 11 or 12 who knows. To my surprise (Which I realize
now is ridiculous, but at the time had no idea) he didn't recognize me. But I just
said "You told me to come back so here I am!" And he said
"GREAT! So, you have already done two then?? Come back just one more
time." It all sounds silly, but that little bit carried me for the next
mile or two. And around this point I just kept telling myself - once you get to
mile 13 you can have Coke!!!! I don’t know what I thought that Coke would do
for me, but I looked forward to that Coke like a 6-year-old waiting for Christmas
morning. Now by my math - a loop is 8 miles so half this race is 12. Wait no
its 13 that’s a half marathon. How far am I running? OK you can drink coke at
the first aid station past mile marker 12. Turns out math is hard while
running.
(Reader's note - endurance athletes, swear by flat Coke. It
helps calm your tummy and there is so much sugar in it you get a little
runner's high after you drink it. Of course, after that high comes a crash so
you have to keep drinking it once you start, hence Emma told me to hold off
until halfway.)
Sure, enough I made it to that aid station and I drank that
Coke and you know what? Nothing special happened. It picked me up a little
maybe a half mile later for a minute or two, but I was pretty deep in the hole
at this point. I was gonna need a lot of Coke to get out. Oh, and it wasn't
flat Coke so now I was burpy and uncomfortable. Ok - well Kevin if the Coke
won't pick you up what can we focus on now??
So, at this point I started to think back - in 2010 I signed up to do
the Chicago Marathon and ended up walking most of the second half. I was
hurting so bad my Dad actually had to walk with me just to keep me moving
forward - I wanted to quit so bad. And I remember the feeling I had after I
crossed the finish line that year - does it count if I had to walk half? I felt
like I had failed and I just couldn't have that feeling again. So, the
remainder of the race, I tried to hold on to that feeling of failure and never
let myself feel that again. So, when I saw mile marker 14, I just told myself
"NO" over and over so I couldn't do the math and figure out that
meant there were 12 still to go. Around this point to I started to look for
that lady who inspired me on lap one. I saw her again!! but this time she was
giving someone else a pep talk. Still seeing her and holding onto my fear of
failure, I just tried to shut my brain off and go on autopilot. Any time I
thought about walking, I just would repeat "NO" in my head over and
over until I forgot I wanted to walk. It was also somewhere around this point
where I thought "This is going to be the deepest you have ever dug inside
yourself." Somehow, even though I could barely hold a thought in my head,
I knew I was going to cross the finish line, I just didn't know if it was going
to be running, walking, or maybe even crawling.
Pictures of the world's best support squad - Thank you for everything!!!
So, I kept running and found myself back at the entrance to
town. That meant lines of people cheering and, sure enough, my support squad!
This time I think they could see in my face I was HURTING. I have no idea what
they said to me, but seeing them kept me going. My next goal was run until I
saw them again, in about three miles and right after the start of lap 3. I just
kept running and this is when I got my next burst of positive energy from the
guy who hosed me down with water and gave me a big smile. Right after him
though was the sign that said finish to the right, lap 2 and 3 to the left.
Seeing some people finishing and knowing I had a whole lap to go... Oh did that
hit hard. But - my support squad was a mile up the road and I was gonna run at
least until I past them. So, I kept running. At this point, a lot of fans were
pretty drunk and trying to get high fives and some even walking on the course.
I couldn't even muster up the spare energy for a high five at this point. One
person ended up in my way and I just yelled “OY!" Not to be rude, just
because I don't know if I could have mustered an excuse me. So, I made it to my
squad again and I think I tried to hold up the number 2 as in lap two complete,
but this part of the day is a really fuzzy. I tried to look happy but I was
hurting so bad. But - I had to keep going so I did. But what was going to be my
next goal? Well first thing is first, don't walk in their line of sight. First
goal keep running until you know they can't see you. Then what is the goal?
Well at the start of each lap there was a hill. It wasn't
super long (ok it was pretty short at maybe 5 yards long), but it was so steep
almost everyone walked up it. So, as I had done the previous two laps, I
allowed myself to walk up the hill. Only this time I didn't think I could start
running again. So, I had this inner battle with myself "Is it a failure if
you walk?" "Yes, don't walk!" "No, you can walk a
little." GAH!!! I just went to the ole standby, and this time I think out
loud I said "NO!" and started running again. As I was running I just
told myself - get to the next aid station. That's just a mile you can make it
there. The whole time, my body was SCREAMING "WALK!", but I really
didn't want to. I heard a runner earlier in the day say they were running 4
minutes and walking 1. I started thinking about that but realized I didn't know
how to make my watch do that. In fact, I couldn't really operate my watch at
all at this point in the day. And in the end, I settled on - it will be OK if
you walk the aid stations. So that was the plan, just make it to the next aid
station. So, I made it to the next aid station and sure enough I walked it,
drank my Coke, and dumped water on my head. But then I had to start running
again.... Oh, was that hard, but I managed. And tried to focus on the net aid
station. Of course, that was over a mile away - but in between was the bridge
over the lake. I tried to turn my thoughts back to the morning and how I had
already overcome that swim! I can't stop now on the run part - that's the easy part,
right?
So, I made it over the bridge - the next goal of course was
the aid station. Right around this aid station was the last chance I had at the
special needs run bag I had prepared. I don't think anything in that bag was
going to help me, so I just kept on moving. I think I saw the "come on
back" guy from earlier, but he was a few steps from the path and without
hearing his voice I couldn't be sure it was him. But again - I made it to the
aid station and again I walked it and somehow managed to start running again.
Somewhere around here I passed the 18-mile marker - this was significant for me
because in my second marathon, I knew I could finish once I crossed the 18-mile
marker. I tried to summon some of that same energy I got during the 2012
marathon to help push me through today, but there was still so much left. But I
stuck to the new plan, walk aid stations run the rest. Ad again I made it
through the last aid station and then I crossed the 20-mile marker. Here I
FINALLY was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel - only 10K left
Kevin! On a good day, this is less than an hour’s worth of running so less than
an hour left (again a lie I tried to believe.) At this point I was at the far
side of the lake and could see how far it was back to the heart of the course.
It wasn't close but it somehow felt a LITTLE more attainable.
Now at the start of every Ironman they give you a red
bracelet to give to your favorite volunteer. So now I started focusing my
thoughts on who could I give the bracelet to? My first thought was the girl
with the "Smile if you aren't wearing underwear" sign - but I already
passed her. Whoops! Ok next up - the lady who gave me the pep talk on lap one! So,
I started looking for her and I couldn't find her. Alright - who next? The guy
at the end of lap 2 (and lap 3) who hosed me down! OK he will get the bracelet.
But that means I have to get to him and he’s miles away. ARGH! Somewhere around
this point was probably my lowest point in the day. I remember thinking this is
just too hard. But you asked Michelle, DT and Buccola to come down here - you
can't not finish. And you have been talking about this and skipping social
events to train for months now, everyone knows! You can't quit. In fact, I went
as far as actually imagining some of those conversations. Is it easier to call
your dad and say "Hey I just couldn't finish this one" or is it
easier to run another 100 yards? Is it easier to tell Michelle "Hey I know
I couldn't go out much the past few months but I couldn't even finish the
race" or run another 100 yards? I
know it is not great to look for external motivations for something like this,
but I was looking for any help I could get at this point. So, then I tried to
think - well you KNOW you have to finish or you'll be so disappointed you'll
have to sign up for another one. ANOTHER ONE?! NO. FUCKING. WAY. OK so I have
to finish this thing. I could just walk the rest, right? I'd get in under the
time cap and maybe.... NO! Kevin come on you can do this. So, then I tried to
count how many miles I had done so far - 135 (ish). That's right I tried to
count to 135. I made it to about 7 and my brain just quit - but all of this
thinking bought me some time. And now I could see another aid station - at mile
marker 23 - which means 3.2 miles left! So, I got up there and dumped ice water
on my head, drank some coke, and then finally started walking again.
But after this aid station I was back to the part of the
course lined with people! Ok I HAVE to run now, people are watching! And then I
started looking for my friends - they are somewhere around here and I have to
keep running for them, right? RIGHT! So, I kept plugging along and finished the
water in my camel bak. Which meant I could ditch it if I saw them again. After
5-10 minutes (I wasn't great at telling time at this point) my watch beeped to
let me know I had finished my 23.... Wait I only JUST finished that?! I
thought.... but... ugh ok that’s ok just keep moving. And then I saw my
friends!!! I couldn't even speak at this point and just dropped my camel bak in
front of them (I don't think I am allowed to hand things off or accept them so
I just dropped it hoping they'd pick it up. It might be cheating a little but I
don't think my time will be penalized) And I just kept running thinking ok only
one more aid station - just get there. Now the aid station is tucked away in a
parking lot away from all the people so I told myself - you can walk once you
get there but not until then! And boy did I have to fight to keep my body
running. But sure enough I did - and I made it to the last aid station! Same
routine - dump water, drink coke, and now I had to drink water since I was out
and then keep walking. Then I had to start talking myself into running again -
ok once you get to that garbage can, no that tree just past it, no that sign
just past it, ok just run just run - and we're running again. I mean seriously
this was what it sounded like inside my head - I know I sound like a crazy
person but that is what it took for me to finish.
So, then I kept going and by now I had passed mile 24 (which
again was only 23.5 according to my soul crushing watch...) and I got to say
things like only 2 more miles!!! Let me tell you, even with 2 miles left, I
STILL didn't know if I could finish. It still seemed too far away. But I kept
running and then I remembered- oh up ahead is the guy I can give my wristband
to! He's at the net aid station! Oh my god, there is another aid station and I
can walk one more time!!! So, I got to the aid station and the guy with the
hose was nowhere to be seen. At this point the temperature had dropped to
probably around 60 and the only reason I was icing myself was habit - it was
probably hurting more than it was helping - but I was not making a lot of
logical decisions at this point. So, I grabbed an orange slice from a little
girl and gave her the bracelet and it lit up her face! I never actually ate the
orange slice, but that little smile helped start me running again to the home
stretch! Now I started running back to where it branches between starting
another lap and the finish, but this time - I got to go to the finish line!!!
People kept yelling only .4 miles left!
 |
| The final stretch high fives! |
I think it was at that moment I finally realized I might
actually finish this. It took 140.2 miles before I believed 100% I could
complete all 140.6 miles. So, I started running a little faster. Of course, the
next .2 miles were slightly up hill but to me it felt like Everest. Only this
time the finish line was close enough that I didn’t care. And then with maybe
.2 miles left I saw my friends cheering me on. I think I gave them high fives
but I honestly can't remember. And then I made a 90 degree turn and was in the
finish chute. And then I passed under an archway that said Memorial Hermann and
started heading down hill. But then I realized there was maybe 200 more yards downhill,
then a u turn, then 200 yards back up the hill and then the finish line! OK we
can do this, right? Right! I think I actually yelled out loud "oh that's just
mean" having a fake finish line. But then I remembered what someone told
me on Thursday "don't sprint through the finish, slow down and enjoy it.
The extra seconds won't matter but you'll remember it." And so, I focused
really hard on taking it all in. And then it started to hit me. I could feel
tears coming and I heard Mike Reilly yell my name. And I just threw my arms up
and I finally made it across the finish line and my friends were right there
screaming my name. A volunteer came up and grabbed me and started pushing me
further down the road. Not in a mean way, in the only way you can communicate
with an athlete as fatigued as I was, by moving them where they need to go. She
first pulled me aside and put me in front of another volunteer who put the
medal around my neck. Then she put a foil blanket on me and then ripped the
ticket off the bottom of my bib to claim my t shirt. She then found my size and
gave it to me along with an uncapped water bottle.
 |
| I am more than a little confused here.... |
I had NO IDEA what was
happening at this point honestly.
I
thought she was ripping my bib off but nope just finding my t shirt voucher. I
thought she was nuts for putting a blanket on me - it wasn’t till about 45
minutes later I realized I was pretty cold. I know she isn't reading this (I
don't even remember what she looked like - not even age or height) but THANK
YOU! And then she left me in front of the photographer to do the only thing
left to do - take a picture with my medal.
 |
| HUGE smile .. ? |
Now in the moment I swear that was the biggest smile ever,
but I have seen the photo and it sure does look weak. But I was so proud in
that moment. And I walked a few feet further down and right on the other side
of the fence my support squad was waiting for me. And that is when it all hit
me. I leaned over the fence and started crying my eyes out. I don't know if I
was crying because it was over, or because I finished, but I just stood there
and cried for I don't know how long. While I was crying, my girlfriend gave me
a big hug and my friends patted me on the back. (that's real love because I
smelled like the inside of a port-o-john on a hot day). And with that 140.6 was
over. I spent the next 30 minutes lying in the closest grass I could find.
After that my friends drove me back to the hotel, we hung out for an hour
(AFTER I showered!), and they headed back to pick up my bike and gear while I
fell asleep. I am so grateful my friends were able to be there. I definitely
couldn't have done it without having them to look forward to on each run lap. I
also don't think I could explain how much the race meant to me, but they could
definitely see it when I crossed the finish line.
 |
| Most emotional hug ever. |
 |
| Oh that's about to be an ugly cry... |
Oh - there is one big question - will I do it again? I sure
hope not! OK so that is only half of a joke. When I look back at the race, I
had to go pretty deep to cross the finish line, and I just think it was too
deep and too dark of a place for me to enjoy it. About a week has passed since
race day and I think with every passing day I forget a little of the bad and am
a little more excited about the good, but at this point I think the race took
me to a place a little too dark and I would be better served doing a 70.3 or
something shorter. Dimitar asked me after the finish line and actually has me
on tape saying "Don't ever let me fucking sign up for this again." Of
course, I said that after my first marathon too so who knows. I can tell you I do
already have a few notes for if I do it again (nutrition needs to have less
caffeine, train harder on the bike, bike at a higher heart rate, swim faster?)
Haha for now I will say I am not doing another.
 |
| 5 minutes after the finish |
 |
| The next day |
 |
| A few more glory shots |
The aftermath of your friends making a fat head of you.
